The Oldest Trick in the Book.

 

When you work in the complaint office of the police department, you become wise to the many methods of identity theft.

Many complainants came in with stories of receiving phone calls from dodgy characters claiming to be the FBI.  These hucksters often say that they owe money to the government and if they don’t pay the outstanding amount by MoneyGram or another means of renumeration, they will be arrested.

They often go after older people.  People who aren’t well versed in the most recent forms of telephone robocalls.  Younger folk fall for scams on the internet:  Surprise gifts of the latest entertainment console.

Students coming into the big city who reach out for apartment space to rent through sketchy sites like Craigslist are often given tours of a building and shown an apartment - only to find out later that they were given the wrong keys.  Or they get a virtual tour of an apartment allegedly at a certain building with convenient subway and bus locations.  They arrive at the address given, only to find that the apartment they planned to rent does not exist.

At home, I’ve been no stranger to dodgy emails and texts offering me some gift or threatening that I haven’t paid a certain amount of money to a internet or phone service and I have to click a link to such and such a site to square things away.  “DING DING DING!” goes my bullshit alarm, and I delete the email or text.

I worked with the police.  I’m wise to this bullshit.

Or at least, I thought I was.

I follow a few personalities on YouTube.  These content creators usually deal with geek culture.  They either post a video, do a livestream, or have impassioned debates about everything from Star Wars and Star Trek to Doctor Who and Dr. No from the James Bond series.  They rail against “sensitivity readers” who declaw and defang the works of Roald Dahl and Ian Fleming to make them more appealing to an illusory “modern audience.”

I digress, on to the point of the wily tendrils of identity theft.

On one content creator’s video concerning the latest Puss in Boots movie The Last Wish, he drew a comparison between the distinct character designs of Puss and his entourage and the unremarkable features of the recent Disney dud Strange World.  I left a comment thanking him for showing the dichotomy between what I called “The distinct, dynamic, idiosyncratic character designs of Puss in Boots and the doughy, bulb nosed, black irised, saucer eyed features of the Strange World characters.”

An hour later I received a notification on my You Tube page.  It came from the content creator’s site.  It was a cryptic message that simply said:  DM ME.  A contact address from Telegram followed.

Okay, about Telegram.

Telegram is notorious for giving extreme right wing crackpots a social network for relating their dingbat beliefs about the 2020 election, QAnon, and how Gina Carano was made a martyr for conservatives everywhere when she was booted from the cast of The Mandalorian for tweeting statements contrary to the “Disney narrative.”  #IStandWithGinaCarano, don’tcha know?

But, I rationalized, this guy I watch seems to be a reasonable, honest fellow.  Our politics may be misaligned, but our opinions on popular culture are pretty much eye to eye.

I sat on it for a day and gave it some thought.

Ultimately, I downloaded the Telegram app onto my phone and typed in the Telegram address I was given.  The transcript follows as thus:

Me:  Yo, ****!  This is ****.  You reached out to me a day ago about my Puss in Boots / Strange World comment.  How’s it going?

Alleged Content Creator:  Hello.  Can I see the screenshot of your comment?

Me:  Sure, hang on.

*I supply the screenshot*

Alleged Content Creator:  Congratulation (sic) you have been selected among the successful winners of our PS5 giveaway.

Do you SEE what’s going on?  My bullshit alarm should have started ringing THERE and THEN.

Alleged Content Creator:  How long have you been following my channel?

Me:  For about a year.

Alleged Content Creator:  It’s okey.  Thanks for supporting my channel.

Me:  The pleasure is mine, ****!

Alleged Content Creator:  Send me your name your email and your shipping address.

You, the Reader:  Okay, WHY hasn’t your bullshit alarm gone off yet, you dummy?

Patience, I’ll explain.

Me:  *types email and address*

Me:  *Slow ringing of bullshit alarm*  Wait a minute.  I just want to talk to ****.  I don’t want a PS5.  Why did I give him— OH, SHIT.

Me:  Hang on a sec, can you give me more evidence you’re the genuine **** before I give you my personal information?

*pause*

Me:  Hello?

DING, DING, DING, DING, DING!!!  On goes the bullshit alarm!

Me:  *Stabs finger down on word balloon containing my email and address to delete it.  Info deleted.

Alleged Content Creator:  *Large emoji of smiling face with valentine hearts in place of eyes appears.*  Wait a sec let me get your package ready.

Me:  No.  Delete my information.  NOW.

*I cut off the communication and PRRRRAAAAAAYYYY my deletion of my PI was done in the nick of time.*

Now, as I have demonstrated in the past, I’m no dummy.  Usually, I’m wise to these scams.

So why did I nearly fall for this one?

Because it wasn’t an appeal to my intellect, my fears, or a lust for easy money.

It was an appeal to my EGO.  My PRIDE.

I felt so proud that I (supposedly) had been contacted by a favorite content creator of mine.  I was star struck.  “WOW!  This guy wants to strike up a conversation with ME?”

I wasn’t interested in any PS5 nonsense.  I already have a console.  I wanted to talk to the man HIMSELF.

The scales fell from my eyes just in the nick of time.

Adding salt to the wound, OTHER content creators had warned us innocent lambs of scammers contacting us under false pretenses offering prizes and the like.  Those warnings slipped my mind.

This wan’t my first rodeo, but this time instead of sending out a charging bull they assaulted me with a golden calf.

Appealing to one’s ego is The Oldest Trick in the Book.

I doubled and tripled security on all my accounts and I check my money apps daily to see if any dodgy charges have been made.

So far, it looks like I’m in the clear.

But remember, folks:  If you haven’t already figured it out.  It’s not your intelligence or your fears that they target.

It’s your PRIDE.

Proverbs 16:18-19 "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall…"

-JJB